A Journey Through Auschwitz

They say that when you go through a breakup it's one of the most horrendous pains you can survive as a human. Mourning the loss of what was and knowing that it will never be the same again. Your life is forever altered from what you thought would be. Your stomach has been punched in, someone tore inside your chest and ripped your heart out; shattering it into a million pieces and then stomping on it. You ache right down through the guts and core. That feeling: that's the one I felt walking the pathways of Auschwitz, only multiply that feeling by ten. The gut wrenching agony was stronger than that of any breakup I could ever go through. Before entering you stand at the gate in-scripted "work will set you free". And you enter knowing that most of those who walked through the gate never saw freedom again. Those who did were never totally free. Their thoughts would forever be tormented and their lives would never be the same again. Stone paths leading from one building to the next are jagged and uneven. They are cold and sharp and you take a moment knowing that those trapped inside walked these paths in the dead of winter with no shoes, or very thin and ratty shoes. What could that possibly feel like? Entering building one where you are faced with everything each person in the camp had to give up. On display were empty suitcases, thousands of shoes, artificial limbs and crutches, pots and pans, and most horrifically; tones of human hair. Suitcases symbolize the 20kg that each person was allowed to take out of their homes with them that was then taken away upon arrival. Shoes that were given up and traded in for cloth. The literal pile of artificial limbs hit me the hardest. This symbolized people who were considered damaged. These people were put on the train to the end of the tracks that lead straight to the gas chambers. Those limbs symbolize each person who didn't live to see another day. Pots and pans show the hope that each person had of a fake promise of a new life. And lastly, a glass display of tones of human hair piled up. For those who were sent to the end of the tracks immediately, they were murdered and then their hair was shaved from the dead corpse. Those who lived another day had their heads shaved and their identity striped. Hair was both stored and sent away to be turned into wool. Imagine wearing human hair of a murder victim. As you walk out of the hallways you're faced staring at the photos of people in the camp with their birthdate, their internment date and their death date. Each picture holds the same expression. Some catch your eye and you just stare. You find those that are your age. They had a life just like you. What would it be like? You cannot even image. You walk by the hospital and you're told about doctors who conducted medical experiments on Jews. I knew about these before going; I've seen pictures. There's something about standing where it happened that rips your heart out of your chest. Men were castrated, women's ovaries were injected with chemicals that made them infertile and often killed them in the long run. Children were injected with leprosy. Limbs were amputated with any anaesthetics. Twins were tortured. The stories are endless. Standing where these atrocities happened was gut wrenching. Cue next building. You walk into the prison inside of the prison. It was death row; outside was death wall where people were lined up in a row and shot in the back of the head. Prisoners stayed inside waiting for their death sentence, knowing exactly what their fate was going to be. You can only imagine the emotions one would have felt sitting in those cells. Within one of the blocks is the standing cells. Blackness. Only room to stand. A door so small one must crawl through like a dog. Day or night? Who knows. Exiting and staring at the wall where thousands took their last breath and thought their last thoughts. I don't know if the human brain can even comprehend this ending. Finally, you walk through the gas chamber. The walls are yellowed. It's such a small chamber but you know they crammed a couple thousand people in. You don't realize how small the chamber is until you walk in. You look up and see the holes where the gas was dropped. You just stand there staring at the scratches in the wall, and you are completely and utterly aware that you're standing where hundreds of thousands of people were murdered. In this moment my heart shredded. You cannot help but to feel the loss. You didn't personally know anyone who died here but you feel it. You feel the loss. It is a literal bone chilling moment. I stood there clinging to my scarf for dear life, guts aching. There is no possible way to explain the emotions you feel standing there. This isn't the end. There's another camp - Auschwitz Birkenau - famously known as the death camp. Every preconceived image you will ever have of the concentration camps is derived here. Vastness. Low wooden and brick buildings in the midst of a field stretching as far as the eye can see. You enter the gates on the old train tracks and you walk them right to the very end. For so many hundreds of thousands, that was the end of the road. The very end. And the end is what remains of the gas chambers and crematoria's. Still there are the ponds where human ashes were scattered; where countless people were not even given the respect of a proper burial. We walked through two buildings in this camp. The first was the bathrooms. Or more accurately, a long cement slab with holes in it. Showers? Ha! Showers took place every three months and were outside. Yes, this meant that in the winter months many contracted the pneumonia. The second building we stood inside was a sleeping quarter. Three level bunks like you see the the pictures. 400 occupants in each bunkhouse that was fashioned after German military horse stables. On an already chilly day, this bunkhouse was even colder. I don't know if we could ever fully comprehend the state that these bunks would have been in with the numerous diseases, starvation diarrhea, the lice and the rats. The human brain is funny in how it is able to compartmentalize and shut down to protect itself. I walked out feeling like I had walked into the worst movie set of all time and then finding out that it had actually come to life. If we are being honest, it's going to take me a long time to sort through the emotions of this visit and to make sense of it all. I don't understand how German soldiers were able to dehumanize prisoners so much that there were willing to wipe out hundreds of thousands of people. I cannot comprehend how these soldiers went to work day after day. I don't understand the evil that can take hold of the human heart and mind. I never will. It's taken me until now to sit down and write this blog, but I knew I needed to while the stories were still fresh. By the time you read this I will have gone through the pictures and edited them. But right now, I can't do it. I cannot stomach to look at them just yet. This is a very grim post, and is very serious. I teach students who have no idea what the Holocaust was. Until our lessons together they had no idea of the atrocities that took place. But it's so important to never forget. I urge you to never let this become a distant memory. If you ever get the chance to visit Poland and to see Auschwitz, please do. Don't be afraid of the emotional roller coaster you will take. It's a reminder that you're a human who loves other humans. And that's all we can do as humans .